Keep that hole in your face shut.

I have been meaning to write this post for a while now, and after dealing with this mess yet again,  I thought it was about time.  Now I am in no way shape or form trying to make this entry about me.  I am simply writing this to help every human out there that is willing to read this.  Put on your big kid underwear because I'm going to be honest.  Here we go...

Have you ever noticed how people are so anxious to spread the news when someone dies?  It honestly BLOWS MY EFFING MIND!  Why?  What is programmed inside of humans to get this news out to the public so fast?  Is it because it's not a normal thing?  Death?  No...that can't be it because people die every day.  Is it because it's something to talk about?  You have some extreme news to share with the world and you want to be the first to get it out there?  I don't know what it is, but when someone has the answer I'd like to hear it.  If you're completely confused at what I'm rambling on about,  here's a few personal examples....

In the last 2 years I've had a lot of people I was close with die, and I've had a few close friends deal with the same thing.  When my Brother died I got a phone call from my Dad at 11:30 that night. 10 minutes later 2 of my friends were at my doorstep because they had heard the news.  TEN MINUTES!  Can you imagine how awkward that would have been for them had I not gotten that phone call from my dad.  Jump ahead to my sisters death.  I was in Sun Valley that day with poor cell service.  I glanced at my phone when I got in the pickup to see a text message.  "Keely I am so sorry for your loss, if I can do anything for you or your family please let me know." WHAT!!!!???  I literally stopped breathing in that instant.  Who in the hell has died now, and what the crap is going on!?

Are you catching my drift here...news travels quick you guys, and people shouldn't be so anxious to spread HORRIBLE news.  It's quite sickening the more you think about it.  Facebook is the worst culprit of all.  People feel the need to post news that can and DOES spread like wildfire.  A good indicator to look for is the immediate family.  If they post news for everyone to see,  you're probably ok to share that information with others.  But if no one is talking, please don't start running your mouth and spreading information that isn't yours to be spread.  Heaven forbid you wait for the funeral home to post the obituary.

I want to help but I don't know what to do?
When my Brother died I ended up turning off my phone because that's the first thing that people do when they hear the news.  They want to call and tell you how sorry they are. They want to send a text that says they are praying for you.  They want you to know that they are thinking of you.  It's seriously programmed into people.  I had 34 voicemails that I didn't listen to for days because I didn't want to hear people crying and feeling horrible for me.  Don't.  Please just don't.  You want to help?  Help by not doing anything.  Don't call.  I just wanted to crawl into a hole and wait for people to leave me alone.  The people that I really wanted to talk to, I called.  I talked to them.  You surround yourself with people that make you feel better.  If I want you here, I'll call you because there is a line.  There is a line drawn for close family and the right friends that you want to be around.  If you aren't on the right side of the line, don't try and cross it.  A lot of you do, and a lot of you can't help yourselves because you feel so bad and want to help, but just don't.  Emotions and feelings are on OVERDRIVE during this time, and it's easy to piss people off and offend them even if that wasn't your intention.  

You want to help?  Here is how you help...
Stay on your side of the line.
Send flowers to the service with a nice card that doesn't include the words "our thoughts and prayers are with you."  You can send flowers to the house if you wish, but have the florist deliver them.   There is enough family around the house.  They don't need MORE people showing up.  Uncle Buck and cousin Eddy are about to push them over the edge as it is.  You don't want to contribute to that.   A week or so after the service, stop by with a meal.  Maybe at this point whoever it is will be ready and willing to communicate with you.  It's after the Funeral when everyone goes home and life slows down that you begin to realize just how empty the house is.  This is when you can do the most good.  Please be patient.  I know that death is hard on everyone, and it affects everyone differently, but please...PLEASE just mind your own business.  I promise you will survive, well...you'll survive at least until you die.